Christmas in October 

I come from a family of strong women. I’m not just talking about the kind of woman who works 3 jobs to feed her children. These women are the kind of women who have been through some real shit, but have such resilience and pride that will make you feel bad about complaining about minor things. These women are my sisters, aunts, cousins, etc. They make me proud to be one of them.

But no one can hold a light to the kind of love and respect I have for my mama. Many people don’t know her very well and might say she’s reserved or even mean if they don’t understand her. Not me. I know she’s not excited by much, but there is a fire inside of her. It’s what always made me feel close to her even though she’s not your typical “you’re so awesome”or “you did a great job” kind of mom.

I’ve always respected her and wanted to protect her. Early on I recognized the strength in my mama. She pushed me to be greater and to step out of my comfort zone. However, she lived in quite a cozy zone herself. She had gotten married to my father at an early age, had 7 children, and lived a safe life. I often wondered why she hadn’t done more or had more friends or done something exciting once in a while. On the other hand I admired her loyalty and devotion to her family. Well, for everyone except my father.

It’s a relationship I never understood. He is not a bad person, but he can do some pretty effed up things. Since I understood the loyalty my mom had for her children I could only assume it was the same for him. I guess. It has been a concept that is still difficult for me to understand. I don’t know much about the details of their relationship, but I do know he was often missing for days. And I know I was sometimes late for school because he hadn’t made it home in time to get me there before the tardy bell. And I must admit that the older he got the better he became at being physically present or he just got too tired to keep up that lifestyle.

For what it is worth I love my dad and understand him too. I don’t even judge him for being a narcissist and am thankful that’s one area he is consistent in! And like him I’ve always been consistent in wishing she would leave him. And begging!   I just thought this could work out for everybody involved. I could probably even like him a little more knowing he wasn’t messing with my mama!

Glory to God all of my wishes have finally come true!!!! My father has had one crazy episode too many and pushed my mama over the edge. Yet, she went over so gracefully. I have never been so proud of her for taking actions into her own hands and standing up for herself. Hearing my mom say she wanted a divorce was like waking up on Christmas morning on steroids. I have waited for this my whole life.

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Watching my mama give to herself after so many years of giving to others is a feeling I have that is similar to watching my son take his first steps. I am so excited for the life she is about to begin. She deserves it.

Go Mama you are awesome and you did a good job!

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