God blessed me with an amazing child. I love being his mommy and know he is mine for a reason. I also know he is exactly who he is supposed to be.
The past few weeks have given me a damn headache. Not because I am questioning what I already know, but because I feel like I am pregnant again.
You see, I found out that my son is not like other children, which doesn’t matter to me or to him. But it matters to other people and it matters in how they treat him. SO…now I feel like I have to make some sort of announcement. Do they make baby or birth announcements for these sorts of things? Can I send out a cute card with his picture on it and put the date on it that we found out? Do I need to come up with a name for him–the new him that people should treat differently? Or should I wait until people notice and say, “Why yes, I am expecting–him to be different than I thought.”
This all reminds me of when I got pregnant with him in the first place. After people would say congratulations they would also have a million questions. So how do you feel about that? How do you think you will feel about being a single mother?Do you think that things would be going better for you if y’all had planned to have a baby? These are all very kind words to say to an expecting mother. Much like I imagine the conversations about my son’s special needs to be. And like him, I am not one for much conversation.
I know I am being a bit of a Negative Nancy here. I do appreciate the support and encouragement that have come my way thus far. Those efforts do not go unnoticed.
If you have something crazy to say and you know it is crazy, do yourself a favor and don’t do it. If you may be a little unsure of what you should ask, you can find some tips below.
- Is the question that you are about to ask for the good of yourself or the person you are asking? If the answer is yourself, don’t ask the question.
- Would you want to answer that question? If the answer is no, don’t ask the question.
- Would this question get you slapped? If the answer is yes, how willing are you to take your chances?
- Is the answer to this question any of your business? If the answer is no, don’t ask the question.
I hope those tips were helpful. If anyone is wondering what they can do to help, I am accepting wine deliveries because I am NOT pregnant. But I certainly am working hard to grow a wonderful little human over here. And wine helps everything!
I guess it is hormones or the newness of taking care of another human life that burns your brain cells and makes things foggy. Whatever it is, most women can relate. You can go from sharp as a tack to Jell-o brain real quick. Multitasking is a must but can almost seem impossible at times. With a huge load to carry it’s almost impossible to remember it all. Last summer, as I turned 30, I had another new chapter to add to my book. I was diagnosed with ADHD. I visited my primary care physician and told her I was having trouble remembering simple things. She referred me to a neuropsychologist where I described what was going on. “It just seems like the fog that happened after the baby never went away.”
I had never recalled feeling so foggy before. I started school at second grade. From the first day I was a gifted student and took gifted classes throughout high school. I had no challenges or delays when it came to learning or retaining information. I may have been a bit lazy in school but I never had to work very hard to make decent grades. The same would apply to undergrad and grad school. But being a mom and having a career was kicking my ass!
My doctor ran some tests. They were long and brutal. After the screening I knew what I was dealing with. I had seen the same things in my students and had to suggest similar tests to their parents. The doctor, however, was very shocked. “I’ve never diagnosed someone with ADHD before at your age,” she said.
She explained the results of my tests. My ability to retain information from one minute to the next was poor. I was impulsive (that would explain some really bad things I did in college). I could probably use some help in these areas so she gave me a prescription for some medicine.
It was quite ironic that as a school counselor at the time that I would be administering my own medication before doing the same for my students. Nonetheless, I took the advice and was glad to have an answer to my permanent baby brain situation. And looking back, I see where I was struggling with this all along. My attention span has always sucked. I often daydreamed and to this day have trouble watching a movie from beginning to end. Studying was a joke; all nighters in my dorm usually consisted of lots of coffee, jokes, and fashion shows.
I’m glad that I know it’s never too late to learn something new. Though I enjoyed goofing around with my friends on those late nights, I just don’t have that much time to waste anymore. And although I don’t really care too much for movies, I need to be able to complete a lengthy task. So I’m grateful that my journey into motherhood taught me something new about myself.
My son, Eli, made this. I think this is a good representation of what is happening in my brain on most days.
This is for mature audiences only!
So, I can’t believe I am writing this, but someone told me I should share my viewpoint on this. Here it goes!
Over time women learn so much about what not to do when it comes to sex. Our parents teach us just not to do it; please just remain a virgin forever. Relationship experts tell us to hold onto the cookie as long as we can in order to get the man we want. There are so many versions of this rule–90 days, 3 dates, etc. Our friends will judge us with mouths wide open if we give it up on the first date. The church says to wait until marriage. Basically, everyone and everything says just say no unless you are in a committed relationship.
Many women don’t talk about their own views because there are only two ways to be seen. Either you are the wholesome, virgin (or virgin-like) woman who holds onto her cookie with a death grip and will only hand it out if there is a ring in her near future. Or you are a hoe, a THOT, fast, have no morals and will give it out like free samples at the grocery store. Personally, I do not agree.
I believe every woman should create their own rules and shouldn’t be extreme one way or the other. Having sex is an intimate and vulnerable thing. I think it is important to ask yourself how comfortable you feel going into the situation. Do you feel safe? Will that person respect your body and boundaries? Is he going to be engaged and will you be satisfied with the decision you made? Ultimately, you can’t control someone else and what they do, but when an experience is over, you should feel good about the decision you made.
Creating rules to control an outcome may have you feeling disappointed. You may ask yourself if your decision to give it up too early or too late caused the relationship to end. But if there is anything I have learned is people will lie and scheme to get what they want. So, you can’t let what someone says or does influence your decision. You just gotta stay true to yourself! If it takes you a long time to get comfortable enough to be intimate then take your time. If you like to test the product before you invest, then do that. And if your relationship doesn’t work out because the other person was not pleased with your decision or judged you–then you are better off without that jerk. Besides, I don’t think it is a good idea to make anyone do anything and especially not marry you. Wouldn’t you like to walk down the aisle knowing you didn’t have to hold the man standing at the other end at gunpoint? I’m just saying.
The moral of this post is the cookie is yours. Regardless of who you choose to share it with, you are the proud owner. And you only get one so use it wisely 🙂