What you got?

I hesitate to write this because I don’t want to sound bitter or like a man hater. However, I can’t control how people take it. As my students used to say, “that’s on your body!”

Every woman knows the struggle of dating and relationships. With social media, online dating, and so many easy ways to connect we often blame that on why men don’t work hard. I have a different theory for this. 

When I started college, MySpace and Black Planet were the popular social media sites. But we didn’t have smart phones. We accessed these sites from our computers and most of us didn’t have laptops. Facebook became more popular towards the end of my college career. Yet with limited access to the World Wide Web, guys still put forth little effort to actually date. 

You might get a call on your cell or dorm phone where your boo of the month was asking you to come “chill” AKA pretend that we are actually going to watch a movie. I gave guys many passes back then because we were poor college students. I thought maybe they just can’t afford to take me out or they’re just too busy to do much more. 

As I got older I thought surely this will get better. Seemingly it did. There was a little more effort into asking me out. Amongst my group of friends there was a consensus that this stage of dating was much better than college days.  

Now fast forward to ten years later and I’m going to say this is just pitiful! My girlfriends and I are sharing stories that are more like Lifetime movies than Disney fairytales. Many people discuss that chivalry no longer exists. I can say that I agree, but to me that is not the largest issue. The common theme seems to be that men are not working towards making lasting connections. They want things fast and easy. Sparks should fly immediately and so should panties. And expectations should fly right out of the window.

I’m not trying to give a voice for every woman on this issue, but I will make some general points. There’s absolutely no way you can get sparks and panties for free! And that doesn’t mean you have to pay for it. What you do have to do is work for it. If you want to go out in public with a woman then you have to ask. If you want her to be interested in you then you have to show some interest. What about some decent conversation? How about sharing what you want from the relationship and being honest? As a woman, I like to know that I’m being given the opportunity to make a decision for myself. Lastly, what is it that you have to offer? Every man has something different that he brings to the table. Being realistic about that can take you a long way. Are you just attractive but have no skills or resources? Do you have money, but you’re not really that cute? Are you handy? Maybe you’re a great cook. Every woman isn’t looking for the same thing, but you have to be willing to find out. 

Personally, a strong connection will always be at the top of my list. Being able to be emotionally available and supportive is what builds that. From there it can only get better and better. 

Was this too much or nah? 

Sorry I’m very sleep deprived today. 

This is funny…lol

  

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