Gladiators stand up!

It has been a LONG week. I feel so bad about how much energy I use at work and how little I have left for what is most important to me.

I don’t have anything profound or deep to say about this subject. I’m just happy that I survived the week and everyone is alive and well.

Today, my child ate 3 meals, had a bath, and did not fight me at bedtime. In fact, he was asleep before 8:00. And I remembered to brush his teeth twice today!

On top of all of this I will get to watch scandal before Saturday morning. I should be an honorary Gladiator for all of that awesomeness I accomplished today!

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Are you a chicken or a hawk?

A chicken’s prayer does not affect the hawk…

My sister sent me this quote yesterday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. First, I thought, “what the hell does that mean?” Does a hawk eat chickens?

I’m from New Orleans and I’ve never seen a hawk in person and didn’t see an unfried chicken before I became an adult. I was completely lost and laughing about how I have a master’s degree and couldn’t figure this out.

So, I turned to my good friend Google! I began to read about this Swahili quote and what it meant. And I read many other quotes. I got side tracked by the fact that Africans have so many good sayings and Americans have like none.

Then I started thinking about how horrible I am at praying. My technique is more like pleading with God to see how what I want is good for me or to help me fix a situation. I’m pretty much on a third grade level when it comes to this.

So back to the chicken and the hawk….
I’ve been looking at all of this the wrong way for 30 years. I thought it’s okay to be the chicken because I don’t want to be the mean hawk who tries to eat helpless chickens. But at some point you have to decide that you can’t always be the chicken either.

I really suck at being a hawk though. It doesn’t come naturally. I have to really coach myself up to be that way. Then I have to keep myself from feeling guilty and keep the hawk going.

Most women can probably relate to this. Our mothers and fathers may have told us that it’s not very ladylike to be a hawk. If you are a hawk, it’s probably because you’ve been hurt a lot and you want to protect yourself.

My sister is a hawk who will never eat a chicken LOL. She has all of the good qualities of a hawk…she is intelligent, beautiful, can see things for what they are, can tear you up if she needs to, and is pretty fast so she just might be able to fly.

I admire those things about her. Just recently I was really sick of being the chicken and decided to be the hawk. It was an epic fail. It was uncomfortable and awkward. It was also very exhausting. I lost some hair. I was tired all the time. I’m sure I was also kinda sucking as a parent.

I made a decision to stop trying so hard to be the hawk that I wasn’t, which was really hard for me since I absolutely did not want to go back to being that chicken. I decided to take it one day at a time. I figured God had heard enough of my horrible prayers and would not let me be a complete chicken again. So I’m just trusting and having faith that I will find a balance where I am comfortable being a strong and powerful yet gentle woman and mother.

Hawken? Dear God, please let me be a hawken!